The one post I really should be writing is proving to be more of a challenge than I thought. Here I am trying to bring awareness to woman about PPD and I can’t even find the words to describe my own struggle.
I don’t know where to start.
I don’t know how to start.
I don’t want to portray myself as a hero, the Helen of Troy or Joan of Arc of this disease, and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.
I don’t even know if I am ready to bear my soul and tell everyone about the ugly side of motherhood that I experienced.
I am scared of the judgement and the stigma surrounding PPD.
I don’t want to be branded as a mom that could or has hurt her child.
I don’t want to be put into the category of moms that do unthinkable things to themselves and, sometimes, their families.
What I am able to say is I am on the road to recovery.
You know how I know – I listen to songs and I choreograph in my head the way I did when I taught dancing.
I just realized I never did this when I was in my dark place.
The songs have come alive for me again. I can once again see the stage, the costumes and the moves all playing out as they did before.
It’s been a long road.
Long because I have been trying so hard to find the right steps to go with the beat of music I was given.
Let the music move you.