Dancing through the dark


The one post I really should be writing is proving to be more of a challenge than I thought. Here I am trying to bring awareness to woman about PPD and I can’t even find the words to describe my own struggle.

I don’t know where to start.
I don’t know how to start.
I don’t want to portray myself as a hero, the Helen of Troy or Joan of Arc of this disease, and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.
I don’t even know if I am ready to bear my soul and tell everyone about the ugly side of motherhood that I experienced.

I am scared of the judgement and the stigma surrounding PPD.
I don’t want to be branded as a mom that could or has hurt her child.
I don’t want to be put into the category of moms that do unthinkable things to themselves and, sometimes, their families.

What I am able to say is I am on the road to recovery.
You know how I know – I listen to songs and I choreograph in my head the way I did when I taught dancing.
I just realized I never did this when I was in my dark place.
The songs have come alive for me again. I can once again see the stage, the costumes and the moves all playing out as they did before.

It’s been a long road.
Long because I have been trying so hard to find the right steps to go with the beat of music I was given.

Let the music move you.



13 thoughts on “Dancing through the dark

  1. Edith says:

    I guess I feel guilty not seeing your suffering, I can remember going to one of the group “baby clinic” with you and one of the girls giving us some pamphlets on PPD ….She even asked me how
    you where coping and I said “very well” goes to show how well hidden this can be.
    I am really grateful you decided to talk to your doctor and get the help you needed. so grateful you are now coping and seeing the light and finally on the road to recovery…
    I am sure by speaking out other moms will take courage and seak help for this desease that can rob you of joy and part of your life.
    continue to be well Dee , continue to love yourself and let the music move you…love you .!


  2. Edith says:

    Always Dee …love u x


  3. This was beautiful. Is that awful to say? Probably. And yet, it kind of was. Is. Your mom’s comments touch my heart, as well. And your road to recovery? It’s a long one for us all – regardless of what our battles – but it’s well worth it and you can do it and will. And you are. (hugs)


    • Thank you so much for your support. Yes it is a long road for many of us – sometimes we dont realize how many of us suffer. Blogging has been a big part of the healing process. I will win this battle though even if it takes longer than i would like !


  4. This is such an incredibly hard thing to write about. Good for you for doing it. We’re with you!


  5. Tina says:

    So glad you were able to share part of your story. I am also so happy to hear you are doing better. Hugs to you! xoxo


  6. This is always such a difficult subject to write about, no matter how vocal one is for PPD awareness. *hugs*


  7. Becky says:

    Thank you for sharing. I am finding there are so many of us who suffered but don’t want to share because we will be judged. Thank you for stepping out. I know what a difficult journey it is.


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